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Dec. 5th, 2017 08:37 pmIt is generally a mistake to fall asleep in the pub. But Bernard has had a few, and the next time he opens his eyes, he's looking at big hairy ghost.
"What?" he asks, staring at the ghost.
"I am the Ghost of the Future."
Bernard stares blearily at the ghost. The ghost, expecting perhaps a bit more dialogue, elaborates.
"I'm here to show you what will happen if you do not mend your ways."
Bernard closes his eyes again. After a moment, the ghost nudges him again, before dragging him to his feet.
The scene changes.
Now it's a pub he doesn't recognise. He can see himself at the bar, off his face. Well, no surprises there. He looks a little greyer, a little older, but not by any means an old man.
And it all starts off so innocently. A quick drunken flirt with a woman at the bar. Nothing out of the ordinary. She looks bored, or perhaps she looks sorry for him. It's hard to tell.
"It's just Bernard." she tells the man coming up to them. "He doesn't mean any harm."
The man strides past her. Bernard watches as the man picks up his future self by the collar.
"Stay away from my girlfriend, you sad, pathetic little drunk."
The ghost holds Bernard's arm as he tries to step towards his future self.
"You can't help. They can't see you or feel you. You're an observer."
"So what, this is the story of how I lose all my teeth?" Bernard asks. But he watches as the boyfriend drops his future self. Future Bernard falls back, whacks his head on the bar, and ends up in a heap on the floor.
"For God's sake, Bernard." the landlord appears and hauls him up. "Go home, you've had enough."
"Not now, need to wee wee." Future Bernard says, staggering into the bathroom.
Bernard and the ghost follow.
"What, I have to watch myself pee now?" Bernard asks.
The ghost gestures to Future Bernard. He doesn't quite get to the urinal, instead quietly collapsing on the floor. There's a little blood on the back of his head where he fell back against the bar.
"You're dying." the ghost says, helpfully.
"What do you mean?" Bernard asks, staring at Future Bernard on the floor. "I've passed out drunk hundreds of times. At least I'm on my front."
"You have a head injury, you're dying." the ghost says. "But nobody can tell."
Other people wander in, and step over him, and then leave again. They wait there at least fifteen minutes. At least ten people come in who could help him, and they don't. Suddenly, Bernard turns to the ghost.
"Okay, you've made your point. I'm not watching my death. So I will die alone on the floor of a pub toilet. Tell me something I didn't know."
"You can change it." the ghost says. "It doesn't have to be this way."
"What pub is this?" Bernard asks.
"The Bull and Bush." the ghost replies.
"Fine. I'll go to a different pub." Bernard says. "Future changed."
The ghost vanishes, and Bernard wakes up on a sofa in Milliways. Weird. But just a dream after all.
"What?" he asks, staring at the ghost.
"I am the Ghost of the Future."
Bernard stares blearily at the ghost. The ghost, expecting perhaps a bit more dialogue, elaborates.
"I'm here to show you what will happen if you do not mend your ways."
Bernard closes his eyes again. After a moment, the ghost nudges him again, before dragging him to his feet.
The scene changes.
Now it's a pub he doesn't recognise. He can see himself at the bar, off his face. Well, no surprises there. He looks a little greyer, a little older, but not by any means an old man.
And it all starts off so innocently. A quick drunken flirt with a woman at the bar. Nothing out of the ordinary. She looks bored, or perhaps she looks sorry for him. It's hard to tell.
"It's just Bernard." she tells the man coming up to them. "He doesn't mean any harm."
The man strides past her. Bernard watches as the man picks up his future self by the collar.
"Stay away from my girlfriend, you sad, pathetic little drunk."
The ghost holds Bernard's arm as he tries to step towards his future self.
"You can't help. They can't see you or feel you. You're an observer."
"So what, this is the story of how I lose all my teeth?" Bernard asks. But he watches as the boyfriend drops his future self. Future Bernard falls back, whacks his head on the bar, and ends up in a heap on the floor.
"For God's sake, Bernard." the landlord appears and hauls him up. "Go home, you've had enough."
"Not now, need to wee wee." Future Bernard says, staggering into the bathroom.
Bernard and the ghost follow.
"What, I have to watch myself pee now?" Bernard asks.
The ghost gestures to Future Bernard. He doesn't quite get to the urinal, instead quietly collapsing on the floor. There's a little blood on the back of his head where he fell back against the bar.
"You're dying." the ghost says, helpfully.
"What do you mean?" Bernard asks, staring at Future Bernard on the floor. "I've passed out drunk hundreds of times. At least I'm on my front."
"You have a head injury, you're dying." the ghost says. "But nobody can tell."
Other people wander in, and step over him, and then leave again. They wait there at least fifteen minutes. At least ten people come in who could help him, and they don't. Suddenly, Bernard turns to the ghost.
"Okay, you've made your point. I'm not watching my death. So I will die alone on the floor of a pub toilet. Tell me something I didn't know."
"You can change it." the ghost says. "It doesn't have to be this way."
"What pub is this?" Bernard asks.
"The Bull and Bush." the ghost replies.
"Fine. I'll go to a different pub." Bernard says. "Future changed."
The ghost vanishes, and Bernard wakes up on a sofa in Milliways. Weird. But just a dream after all.